Complain about all!

Migraine... and also migraine. Ugh. It's the 4th day now. I maxed on my relief meds too. Feels like the vein is just going to pop out of my head. I can't look at my phone screen or comp screen for that long, and I wanted to look up more places in LA to go to, since it's getting pretty close and we're still figuring things out. I want these headaches/other pain to go away before then so I can enjoy myself on the trip. I always anticipate, and I have anxiety, but when you have things like this it kind of comes hand in hand. *sigh* At least Yuki's music calms me so maybe the concert will take my mind off everything. Can the 14th hurry up please? (But also I want it to last long.)

I also haven't practiced my message to Yuki at all!!! Ahh! I was going to try and draw them too, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Been so busy, running from appt to appt. It's tiring.
 
reading detective conan again after such a long time and man do I hate Kazuha. what a very annoying bitch.
 
Had a huge argument/debate with one of my closest friends who kept insisting that Maaya Sakamoto and Utada Hikaru sucked, and that Utada is always out of tune and that her voice is really bad. She was even like 'How do people even listen to this it's so bad' and I have to admit I got a bit triggered lol.
I just started listening to Utada but I'm already obsessed, and I've been listening to Maaya for a while now and I loooove her and I don't get my friend ughhh.

At least she likes a few Kalafina songs, but the only ones she likes are the most overrated ones like Magia lmao ugh
Literally my only wish is to meet someone who has the same music tastes as me, I feel so alone in my music tastes at both school and even with my friends and it's so frustrating.
 
@sarasara I have to be selective with what music I play to others, with Maaya Sakamoto, I wasn't originally drawn strongly to her music, but some songs like Platinum from Cardcaptor Sakura e.g. this live version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6vrjzAglzE are great, particularly if you can get a translation of the lyrics (a subbed version appears to have disappeared from youtube).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yūho_Iwasato#Maaya_Sakamoto
(Yuuho Iwasato also wrote the lyrics for Endless Sky https://canta-per-me.net/lyrics/endlesssky and Namae no nai Michi https://canta-per-me.net/lyrics/amatsukied/ as well as many others listed in the wikipedia article above)

Myself, I just need to survive a hot day at work tomorrow and working 53 hours next week.
 
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KALAFINA NEED TO GO BACK TO THIS STYLE. BACK TO THOSE GORGEOUS DRESSES WITH CORSETS INSTEAD OF THE HOLY MESSES THAT ARE THEIR LIVE DRESSES SINCE 2015.
 
The concert was canceled. *sigh* I know it was uncontrollable, stupid US laws. I do hate it sometimes (well a lot right now). This day has kind of sucked and I am drained and this has not fully sunk in yet. I feel so bad for Yuki and the band/girls and the theater. I am still going to LA, and hopefully meeting some of you, but still. I will always love you Yuki, please know that even though I am just a small person. I hope you can visit the states soon, maybe come to Chicago (hint hint)? heh
 
Copy-pasting from http://neko1.blogspot.gr/2017/01/delayed-sleep-phase-disorder.html - this pretty much describes my life.

I've always been the lazy one in class. The one who was rushing to get into the classroom before the teacher (not often successfully), who'd get alarm clocks as birthday gifts, who'd never show up for morning lectures. Until a break-through self-diagnosis came to my life:

Delayed sleep phase disorder

I somehow made it through school, because we had afternoon lessons every second week. I somehow made it through university, because lessons didn't start at 9am every day, and it wasn't mandatory to attend either. Eventually I'd even "fix" my sleeping schedule - mostly during the summer, where I could wake up at, say, 10am and still feel happy and fulfilled, instead of having to wake up much earlier for school. It never lasted more than a few weeks though - I'd always relapse after just one day of having to stay up late, or even after being told "why did you wake up so early? The other kids usually wake up around 11!"

However, a "normal" 9-to-5 job is what really hit me hard on the head.

At the very least, I can't say I didn't try. I was also lucky that they weren't very strict about punctuality, otherwise I'd have been fired after a couple of months. After countless times of hitting "stop" instead of "snooze", or of dreaming that I got up and started getting ready, I found an application called "Sleep as Android" where you can configure it to only show a snooze option up to a certain number of times, and where you can't stop it from ringing unless you scan a QR code, which I printed and stuck in the bathroom. So, yes, I tried. I even thought of using "Sleep as Android" as a sleep-phase alarm, except it rarely worked. I was usually in a very deep sleep phase during the time when I had to wake up.

And so I did wake up, and I did arrive at the office around 9. I could only start working around 10 - and we're talking about being able to open the files I was working on and start staring at them. I'd usually do something trivial until lunch time, then start being productive after lunch, so my productivity was much lower than usual. But somehow my performance was still adequate, so this ended up being the least of my worries.

The physical symptoms of waking up at "normal" times were, IMHO, the worst. I also seem to need more daylight than the average person, and I'm more affected by the lack of it, so during the winter, where I'd spend practically all of my daylight hours inside the office, I was really suffering. Headaches and exhaustion were very common. The first three days of the week were still bearable, but on Thursday I was starting to feel extremely tired. On Friday I was practically a walking zombie, longing for the night to arrive, so I'd feel awake (as always) until after midnight, but then I could at least sleep 12 hours to make up whatever I still could. I was feeling depressed and irritable. My appetite was also decreased, especially during breakfast and lunch. However, bad sleep was also affecting my metabolism in a way that made me eat less and still gain weight.

As for simply going to sleep early, it didn't work. I was often at the peak of my alertness and productivity at exactly the time when I had to go to sleep. Therefore, even if I did force myself to go to bed at that exact time, my brain was still alert and therefore I couldn't fall asleep until much later. No, binaural beats didn't work either. But at the very least I can't say I didn't try.

The most difficult part was waking up in the morning and having to decide whether I'm legitimately feeling ill or it's just my average wakeup. My waking exhaustion was often so intense that I failed to perceive other symptoms I had. I'd often just go by instinct and decide to call in sick despite feeling simply too tired, only to surprise myself around 13:00 when I'm waking up later than usual and can actually feel that I have a cold or a stomach flu.

I found myself to be much happier, more relaxed and productive after I got a job with more flexible working hours. The next step is probably to get an official diagnosis. Even though I don't have a use for it right now, I think there can be unforeseen situations where it might seem useful, and an official doctor's diagnosis will allow me to negotiate more easily than a simple self-diagnosis.

Dear reader, if you see yourself or a friend in these lines, please try to do something about it. Try to negotiate better living conditions for yourself, or offer them to your colleague. Give the aforementioned Wikipedia link to your friend and see if they recognize themselves the way I did. I silently suffer every time I think about how many people label themselves "lazy" and continue living unhealthily but "normally".
 
DSPD is likely what I have. My parents always had issues getting me to sleep at 'normal' times and ever since I was around 3-4 years old or so, I've never felt tired until late night/early morning and don't fully wake up until 11 or so in the morning. I have tried changing this throughout my life, but it always reverts back to that kind of timing eventually.
 
DSPD is likely what I have. My parents always had issues getting me to sleep at 'normal' times and ever since I was around 3-4 years old or so, I've never felt tired until late night/early morning and don't fully wake up until 11 or so in the morning. I have tried changing this throughout my life, but it always reverts back to that kind of timing eventually.

My sleeping pattern is really screwed up. I go to bed at 12:00 during the day and wake up at around 7:00 pm to 8:00pm. Doing night shift work for 10 years has made it difficult to adjust to normal times.
 
KALAFINA NEED TO GO BACK TO THIS STYLE. BACK TO THOSE GORGEOUS DRESSES WITH CORSETS INSTEAD OF THE HOLY MESSES THAT ARE THEIR LIVE DRESSES SINCE 2015.
I MISS THIS SO MUCH :cry:
Generic dresses = generic music
Maybe everything Kalafina needs is going back to their dark victorian gothic era (?)

This reminds me a few days ago I saw on Youtube a live version of Wakana's version of Mizu no Akashi and God, I was almost crying. I still love her, but I really miss when she was the voice of melancholy and nostalgia. That perfomance was amazing, just her voice was so powerful, it really goes right in the kokoro:touched: While listening to it, I could only remember Kajiura's words, "Wakana has the voice of an angel"
 
spent most of the day in bed watching murdoch mysteries (and I honestly mean 90% of the day)
wouldn't be such a bad thing if i didn't feel like shit
 
It's my birthday today but I've actually been having one of the worst days I've had in a long time.

First of all, as I was driving to school, one of the major traffic lights was broken which resulted to everyone sitting in line waiting for their turn to pass which took like 20 minutes and made me really late to school.
Second of all, I have a huge IB Math project due tomorrow, and I haven't started it yet since I literally don't understand it AT ALL and my teacher explained NOTHING, so I wanted to talk to her and ask her about it today but of course she wasn't even here today. And she has never responded to emails in the past so emailing her won't help ughhhhh

I also had a Psych quiz today which I absolutely failed.

My parents literally don't care about my birthday. (I never get anything or ask for anything and I'm not allowed to have parties because my birthdays too close to Christmas)

And on top of all that, the Kajiura concert, which I'd been looking forward to for a long time, was cancelled.

So basically, I'm gonna spend my whole birthday trying to figure out how to do a 6-12 page math project I literally have no idea how to do.
Fucking kill me please, I just want to graduate and go to college already jesus christ
 
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@sarasara Have you discussed the possibility of an extension on the project? If you're really struggling with the project, your teacher should understand.
 
@sarasara Have you discussed the possibility of an extension on the project? If you're really struggling with the project, your teacher should understand.

That's what I was going to ask her about today, but she wasn't even here today so I couldn't.
I also wasn't even at school yesterday so I couldn't have asked then either.
 
Geez, that's a tough situation, and your teacher isn't responding to emails either? I guess all you can do is finish what you can on the project.

Still, you can get through this; the brain can work very quickly under pressure.
 
Geez, that's a tough situation, and your teacher isn't responding to emails either? I guess all you can do is finish what you can on the project.

Still, you can get through this; the brain can work very quickly under pressure.

Thank you, I really hope I can finish it in time :(
 
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