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I may have a different take on your example (without knowing more details) but, at the end of the day, that was still on her for wanting to fit in when her voice was trained for different things (or even just naturally suited different things). Sux if joining a choir was her wish but not everyone has to do everything/be good at everything. Frankly, probably not many people are. Surely not every choir singer could do whatever she did.
Her voice was certainly more trained than any of ours, no doubt about it. However, we were not looking for a solo singer (we outsourced those for concerts) but a regular member. Perhaps she struggled to sing with a more restrained, blended tone. I guess that’s one of the reasons classically trained (professional) solo singers often do not sing with the choir in tutti sections, since their voices would stick out like a sore thumb. On the other hand, there are also some that can sing with the choir and blend in well.
Either way, regardless of whether she couldn’t or simply didn’t want to change her singing style, from her reaction it appeared to me like she didn’t understand what the problem was. Hence my previous analysis, which could of course be wrong.