However, around the time of our 2nd album "Red Moon", I started getting lots of requests for "Kalafina's Wakana", that I began to see how Kalafina was associated with myself, and started thinking "Is it really okay to keep going like this?" After that, during the third album "After Eden", I hit a huge wall.
That was "I can't sing the way I want". Due to my singing skill, I couldn't sing in the ideal way that I wanted. During recordings, I couldn't sing well and even troubled Kajiura-san, and this became a big problem.
Even though I thought I was trying my best, the results weren't coming so it seemed meaningless. It was hard enough with just the recordings, that there was no way I could have handled lives. The time when our third album was the peak of my problems.
For me, that most problematic was the theme song of "After Eden", which is "Eden". I couldn't sing it the way I wanted at all.
I also got some pretty strict words from Kajiura-san. However, I think it was because of those words that I could be here today. If not, I might have kept slipping down. Accepting my failings and thinking "I can't keep being like this" became the basis for the thought "I have to work harder for this".
At the time of "After Eden", I became very highly strung during lives. I kept assuming too much that it would be difficult, that I have thought, "I might not be able to sing this" every time. I became very pessimistic about this.
That's why "Eden" is one of my favorite songs now. Because it was a difficult song for me, I practiced it so many times and did so much work on it, that I can always sing it comfortably now, I think. There are many Kalafina songs like this each time. What sort of song will come next time, which one will be the next "Eden" for me? That's how I always think.
There were problematic periods as well after that. Both when "to the beginning" and "moonfesta" came out, I still felt like I hadn't grasped the actual feeling of these songs. Something inside me was still looking for the right direction, looking for something, but I didn't know what it was.
The key that pulled me out of the mood of "searching for the image of Kalafina" was the song "ひかりふる (Light Falls)". At the start, this song was very difficult for me. That's why I thought that if I can do this song perfectly, I could accept that. Kajiura-san thought the same way when she told me "Wakana-chan, try to do Hikari Furu perfectly".
"Let's clear the difficulties one by one", and work on the minute details thoroughly. Once I did that, I thought "I've finally got it!". By understanding the song "Hikari Furu", I also finally saw my place in the group. That was where I changed. I felt refreshed.
I just wanna go to hug her 
Be more careful, Kajiura, please, take care of your little angels!
