Kalafina ~ Magia Retrans.

[arqnohikari]

More like a re-edit and retrans... meh. I left some lines alone.
*<-- notes.

itsuka kimi ga hitomi ni tomosu ai no hikari ga toki wo koete
horobi isogu sekai no yume wo tashika ni hitotsu kowasu darou

One day, you will ignite the light of love that crosses over time.
It will certainly destroy this dream and speed up the world's destruction.

tamerai wo nomihoshite
kimi ga nozomu mono wa nani?
konna yokubukai akogare no yukue ni
hakanai ashita wa aru no?

Drink up your hesitation.
What is it you desire?
On a path of such greed and deep admiration,
will there be a transient tomorrow?

kodomo no koro yume ni miteta
inishie no mahou no you ni
yami sae kudaku chikara de
hohoemu kimi ni aitai

When I was a child,
I dreamed I had an ancient magic
with the power that could even break the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

obieru kono te no naka ni wa
taorareta hana no yuuki
omoi dake ga tayoru subete
hikari wo yobisamasu negai

What I hold in these frightened hands of mine
is courage made of handpicked flowers.
My feelings alone are all that I rely upon,
I will awaken the light with my wish.

itsuka kimi mo dareka no tame ni
tsuyoi chikara wo nozomu no darou

One day, you will desire great power
for the sake of someone else.

ai ga mune wo toraeta yoru ni
michi no kotoba ga umarete kuru

On this night, when love has captured your heart,
unknown words are *brought into the world.
*Same wording implies "born". what? your mother never said to you "I brought you into this word, I can also take you out"

mayowazu ni yukeru nara
kokoro ga kudakete mo ii wa

If I can go on without losing my way,
then its fine if my heart breaks into pieces.

itsumo me no mae no kanashimi ni
tachimukau tame no jumon ga hoshii

I want an *incantation so I can fight against
the sorrow that is always in front of my eyes.
*I felt Incantation had the better feel to the song

kimi wa mada yumemiru kioku
watashi wa nemuranai ashita
futari ga deau kiseki wo kachitoru tame ni susumu wa

You are a memory that continues to dream.
I am the sleepless tomorrow.
I'll move on so I can get the miracle of when the two of us met.

obieru kono te no naka ni wa
taorareta hana no yaiba

What I hold in these frightened hands of mine
is a sword made of handpicked flowers.

omoi dake ga ikiru subete
kokoro ni furikazasu negai

My feelings alone are all that live,
a wish that I brand within my heart.

torawareta taiyou no kagayaku
fushigi no kuni no hon ga suki datta koro
negai wa kitto kanau to oshieru otogibanashi wo shinjita
(hikari to kage no naka)

When I liked books about mysterious lands shined upon by the captured sun,
I believed is those fairy tales that taught us that our wishes would surely come true.
(Amongst the light and shadows…)

shizuka ni sakimidareteita
inishie no mahou yasashiku
sekai wo kaeru chikara ga sono te ni aru to sasayaku
owaranai yume wo miyou

Gently, magic from ancient times bloomed wildly in silence.
“The power to change the world lies in your hands”, it whispers.
Let's have a neverending dream.

kimi to yuku toki no naka de
omoi dake ga ikiru subete
inochi wo tsukuru no wa negai

In this time I go with you,
my feelings alone are all that live.
This wish will create life.

 

[yuki.n]

itsuka kimi ga hitomi ni tomosu ai no hikari ga toki wo koete
horobi isogu sekai no yume wo tashika ni hitotsu kowasu darou

One day, you will ignite the light of love that crosses over time.

One day, the light of love that you ignite in your eyes will cross over time

kodomo no koro yume ni miteta
inishie no mahou no you ni
yami sae kudaku chikara de
hohoemu kimi ni aitai

When I was a child,
I dreamed I had an ancient magic
with the power that could even break the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

Ugh, bad rephrasing for what would have been a minor change in Japanese...

I want to see you smile
with the power that could even break the darkness,
like the ancient magic
I dreamed of as a child

Suggestions welcome...

obieru kono te no naka ni wa
taorareta hana no yuuki
omoi dake ga tayoru subete
hikari wo yobisamasu negai

What I hold in these frightened hands of mine
is courage made of handpicked flowers.
My feelings alone are all that I rely upon,
I will awaken the light with my wish.

The wish that awakens the light

kimi wa mada yumemiru kioku
watashi wa nemuranai ashita
futari ga deau kiseki wo kachitoru tame ni susumu wa

You are a memory that continues to dream.
I am the sleepless tomorrow.
I'll move on so I can get the miracle of when the two of us met.

You are a memory I'm still dreaming of
(makes more sense in the context of the anime)

torawareta taiyou no kagayaku
fushigi no kuni no hon ga suki datta koro
negai wa kitto kanau to oshieru otogibanashi wo shinjita
(hikari to kage no naka)

When I liked books about mysterious lands shined upon by the captured sun,
I believed is those fairy tales that taught us that our wishes would surely come true.
(Amongst the light and shadows…)

It's rather "Wonderland", as in "Alice in Wonderland" = "Fushigi no kuni no Arisu". The connection is even strong inside me, I assume the Japanese will get it too.

kimi to yuku toki no naka de
omoi dake ga ikiru subete
inochi wo tsukuru no wa negai

In this time I go with you,
my feelings alone are all that live.
This wish will create life.

What creates life is this wish.

 

[arqnohikari]

kodomo no koro yume ni miteta
inishie no mahou no you ni
yami sae kudaku chikara de
hohoemu kimi ni aitai

When I was a child,
I dreamed I had an ancient magic
with the power that could even break the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

Ugh, bad rephrasing for what would have been a minor change in Japanese...

I want to see you smile
with the power that could even break the darkness,
like the ancient magic
I dreamed of as a child

Suggestions welcome...

Can I say...
As if the ancient magic I dreamed of as a child
was the only power that could break the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

Now I know this breaks some grammar rules,
but these lines are so weirdly put that Yes, you would need to move some stuff around.
* I can't figure it out.

sae, even; if only; if just; as long as; *the only thing needed
*I implied "the only thing needed" into the second line.

thoughts?

EDIT: Watashi wa nemuranai ashita ( I am the tomorrow that never sleeps)?

 

[yuki.n]

kodomo no koro yume ni miteta
inishie no mahou no you ni
yami sae kudaku chikara de
hohoemu kimi ni aitai

When I was a child,
I dreamed I had an ancient magic
with the power that could even break the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

Ugh, bad rephrasing for what would have been a minor change in Japanese...

I want to see you smile
with the power that could even break the darkness,
like the ancient magic
I dreamed of as a child

Suggestions welcome...

Can I say...
As if the ancient magic I dreamed of as a child
was the only power that could break the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

Now I know this breaks some grammar rules,
but these lines are so weirdly put that Yes, you would need to move some stuff around.
* I can't figure it out.

sae, even; if only; if just; as long as; *the only thing needed
*I implied "the only thing needed" into the second line.

thoughts?

In this context, "sae" means "even" - "with the power that can even break the darkness". It's like... a power so strong that can break something as unbreakable as the darkness. You can see some example sentences here: http://dev.jgram.org/pages/viewOne.php?tagE=sae The first one (#115) is fairly close to the meaning here.

Now, putting this line together with the next one: "Yami sae kudaku chikara de hohoemu kimi ni aitai" (leaving the first half aside for now). Don't forget the "de", it's what makes the "I want to see you smile" definitely not independent.
I want to see you smile with such a power that could even break darkness.

Or something. *sigh* And then you have to join it with the previous two lines of course... the smile-power is like the ancient magic in the dreams... :(

Hope it's clearer now?

EDIT: Watashi wa nemuranai ashita ( I am the tomorrow that never sleeps)?

Yes, it doesn't make a big difference. :)

 

[yuki.n]

Like ancient magic that I saw
in dreams when I was still a child,
with force enough to shatter darkness
I want to see you smile.

I asked a friend of mine (essentially English+Greek bilingual, with some basic Japanese knowledge) and this is what she came up with. I think it should be OK now

 

[arqnohikari]

Yours is fine. plus, yours was better for me to sub with.
And this paragraph has incorrect grammar.

In this paragraph

Like the ancient magic that I saw in the dreams I had as a child,
or (that I saw in my dreams as a child,)
with enough force to shatter the darkness.
I want to see you smile.

My opinion, this is one of those paragraphs you might have to break a rule or two.
This kind of paragraph will be nonsense if we try to focus only on Japanese Grammar(I do hate saying that)

But like I said before, your line is fine...

I'm sorry If I hit a nerve somewhere

Did you get my PM?

 

[nimsaj]

maybe i can give my two cents here.

kodomo no koro yume ni miteta
inishie no mahou no you ni
yami sae kudaku chikara de
hohoemu kimi ni aitai

the part in red is a noun modifier. it's not "i want to see you AND your smile"

it's this:

i want to see you, who smiles with
the power to shatter even darkness
like the ancient magic that I saw
in my dreams as a child

 

[yuki.n]

Thanks! You're right, it's more accurate that way. I let that one slip by as "I want to see you smile" because the meaning stays pretty much the same, but your wording is better

 

[arqnohikari]

Thank you nimsaj & Yuki.n

 

[Hatouchan]

i want to see you, who smiles with
the power to shatter even darkness
like the ancient magic that I saw
in my dreams as a child

I'm confused.
Is this the smile that has the power to shatter even darkness?
Or using this power that can shatter even darkness, I want to see you smile?

I'm seeing translations that can go either way.

In context of the show, the meaning would be
1. Homura wants Madoka to always smile, a smile so bright it can shatter even darkness
2. Homura wants to use that power, power that can shatter even darkness, to save Madoka, and bring a smile to her face

Was the song officially translated in the TV BD release?
I don't recall seeing translations in the Movies but perhaps they might do it for the movie BD release.

 

[yuki.n]

Re:

i want to see you, who smiles with
the power to shatter even darkness
like the ancient magic that I saw
in my dreams as a child

I'm confused.
Is this the smile that has the power to shatter even darkness?
Or using this power that can shatter even darkness, I want to see you smile?

I'm seeing translations that can go either way.

In context of the show, the meaning would be
1. Homura wants Madoka to always smile, a smile so bright it can shatter even darkness
2. Homura wants to use that power, power that can shatter even darkness, to save Madoka, and bring a smile to her face

Was the song officially translated in the TV BD release?
I don't recall seeing translations in the Movies but perhaps they might do it for the movie BD release.

Good news: The EU edition contains an official translation.
Bad news: It's nonsensical.

Like ancient magic
I dreamt of as a child
With the power to crush the dark
I want to be greeted by you with smiles

I understand it as "(Yami sae kudaku chikara de hohoemu) kimi ni aitai" which would be 1. in your list.

One day, that light of love set in your eyes
Will go beyond time and will
Certainly destroy a dream
From this world so eager to fall into ruins

Drink up your hesitation to the last drop
What is it you desire?
Can an ephemeral tomorrow exist
Far away in such greedy idolization?

Like ancient magic
I dreamt of as a child
With the power to crush the dark
I want to be greeted by you with smiles
In this frightened hand of mine
Lies the courage of a flower broken off by hand
Memories are all that I rely on
Arousing the light
With my plea

One day you will
Long for a potent power to use for someone else
The night that love grasps at your heart
Is when unperceived words are born

If I can get there without losing my way
I don't care if my heart shatters
I want a spell
That will let me take on
The sadness that stands in my way

You are still a memory of a dream
I'm a sleepless tomorrow
I'll move forward
To make sure I secure
The miracle that brings us together
In this frightened hand of mine
Lies the blade of a flower broken off by hand
Memories are all that I love on
In my heart I wield
This plea

Those days when I loved the book
About a mysterious land where the imprisoned sun shines
I believed in
Fairy tales that taught
That prayers were always answered

Quietly blooming profusely
The ancient magic gently
Murmurs that the powers to change the world
Lie in those hands
Let's dream an endless dream
In the passage of time where I go together with you
Memories are all that I live on
What creates life are
Please

In some parts it has interesting insights, but overall, IMHO, they could have kept the translation more literal, there was no need to phrase it another way. Plus, I don't think the translator has watched Madoka... "you are a memory I'm still dreaming of" makes A LOT of sense in the anime, "you are still a memory of a dream", not so much, but makes sense otherwise... (plus, that would have been "yume no kioku" instead!)

 

[nimsaj]

^thanks for the official trans, yuki.n i've never read the magia one.....although the translators did a good job, there are many parts i disagree with. although i may not be an official translator, i have studied japanese for 7 years going on to 8, with one year of an intense japanese course in japan....and i have to say, after reading some other trans they did, i am kind of disappointed in the way they translated a lot of lines

i agree with you...they should have kept the translations more literal


i also understand it as "(yami sae kudaku chikara de hohoemu) kimi ni aitai" so i also think it would be #1 on your list, hatouchan.

 

[yuki.n]

Re:

^thanks for the official trans, yuki.n i've never read the magia one.....although the translators did a good job, there are many parts i disagree with. although i may not be an official translator, i have studied japanese for 7 years going on to 8, with one year of an intense japanese course in japan....and i have to say, after reading some other trans they did, i am kind of disappointed in the way they translated a lot of lines

Do you think we should pick the good ones and try to merge them with our existing translation? There are several parts where I think "oh, is this what they meant?.. if a native Japanese understands it that way, this should be it...", do you get that feeling too or is it just me?

BTW - wow, you've really studied a lot! That's how you know all these expressions!
I'm nowhere near an official translator either, I only studied for 3 years until the (old) 3kyuu exam, then ran out of both time and money simultaneously. I kept learning on my own though, through anime/music/chatting, so sensei encouraged me to try N3 and then N2 (which I wouldn't have attempted if she hadn't encouraged me). However, I do have a slight gap in my active vocabulary, since in my JLPT-aimed studies I wasn't trying to produce speech, as well as some expressions that you wouldn't easily see in exam texts. Meanwhile, I attempted to join some class a few times, but sensei said she didn't have any other students at my level, and she doesn't give private lessons especially now, I really don't think she'll have anyone post-N2!

 

[nimsaj]

^ i am SO sorry for this late response, yuki.n please forgive me! i have been so busy and totally forgot about replying back >.<

i think we should try and merge our own with the "official" trans since it's not very good in some parts. perhaps we should merge our own translations for other songs if we have the time



and thanks! you've studied a lot too! you should consider studying abroad in japan. i have learned SO much from that one year alone...i learned much more than i ever did while studying it here in the states. i won't say i am fluent but pretty close to it thanks to that year. you should of heard me the first few days i came back from japan....my english was so horrible i had to carry a japanese->english dictionary with me and even now i still make mistakes in english and mistake japanese grammar with english grammar