help with japanese phrasing.

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I'm planning a tattoo with a japanese phrase and I'm pretty sure it's alright, but I want a second/third/whatever opinion on the grammar.
here it is:

私は荒々しくて人生を棲む積もりのだ

watashi wa araarashikute jinsei wo sumu tsumori no da

I'm going to live my life wild

thanks!! :sparkleguy:
 
here's the second one:

自分の中心の輝きを強める積もりのだ

jibun no chuushin no kagayaki wo tsuyomeru tsumori no da

I'm going to strenghten the radiance in my heart!
 
Well...regarding the first one...i'm not sure about araarashikute ..err...the actual "wild" being just "arai" but no word would translate that well in japanese i think. Not like in..."crazy". It wouldn't make much sense anyway.

I would say "wairudo" (in katakana ofc) would be best. Or...use the verb "abareru" (to rampage, to riot, to rage) to add more effect.

Abareru/wairudo jinsei o sumitai nda!/...sumu tsumori nda!

(you can cut the watashi wa if you want)

as for the second...

I would probably use "kokoro" since i've heard it more times than chuushin and i usually associate it with this stuff but chuushin will work just as fine i suppose. It's probably a matter of imagination and the picture you wanna paint. So yea


Jibun no chuushin/kokoro no kagayaki wo tsuyomeru tsumori no da!

...is perfect, imo.

i'm afraid i can't provide you with any kanji as i am atm on my brothers japanese-intolerant laptop. But abareru is a common word so, it's easy to find.

Good job, m8! And good luck with those.
 
I don't want to use english words so katakana is out of the question, plus, I'd need a lot more space for that. :omgwtf:

I didn't wanna use "kokoro" because everybody knows that by now... :uh..:

"arai" was a great idea though! :XD:

check this:
荒くて人生を棲む積もりんだ
arakute jinsei wo sumu tsumorinda
I'm going to live my life wild!

心の輝きを強める積もりんだ
kokoro no kagayaki wo tsuyomeru tsumorinda
I'm going to strenghten the radiance in my heart!

note that the length of the sentences match.... :plot:
 
1.私は荒々しくて人生を棲む積もりのだ

-correcting grammatical and kanji errors
私は荒々しく人生を住むつもりだ

"棲む" is used when animals live somewhere.
"・・・つもり" must be in hiragana.

Nobody says "人生を住む".
It should be "人生を生きる" (jinsei wo ikiru)
or"人生を進む" (jinsei wo susumu)
or"人生を過ごす" (jinsei wo sugosu)

You can omit "つもり" because the present tense often includes the future tense and the writer's will.
You can also omit "私は".

I don't know better words than "ワイルドに" for the translation of "wild".
How about using 突き進む　(tsukisusumu), which means "proceed by force","pierce" and "thrust"?

人生を突き進むのだ　(jinsei wo tsukisusumu noda)

If you change "・・・のだ(noda)" into "・・・んだ(nda)" , it sounds much more informal, casual, and like young people's language.
人生を突き進むんだ　(jinsei wo tsukisusumu nda)
 
自分の中心の輝きを強める積もりのだ

-correcting grammartical and kanji errors
自分の中心の輝きを強めるつもりだ

中心　means "center". You don't wanna use "kokoro"?
How about using 内なる輝き uchinaru kagayaki (inner brilliance) ?

But 内なる輝きを強める　sounds a little unnatural...

Let me think about it for a while.
 
some things to think about.... love creative criticism.

1st:
but the animal "sumu" verb was chosen in purpose, as was the "tsumori" in kanji (it does exist), just to make it cooler and a little more visually impressive. but "tsukisusumu" sounds good...

2nd:
i chose "chuushin" at 1st because it has a broader concept of heart, core, spirit.

thanks, guys!! I'll be maturing these ideas and get back here later!!
 
how about this:

荒くて命を突き進むんだ
arakute inochi wo tsukisusumunda

中心の輝きを強めるんだ
chuushin no kagayaki wo tsuyomerunda

I'm pretty fond of this version..... I just have to print it out and see how it fits after I'm decided on the sentences. they might not! :XD:

"isshoukenmei" should be followed by what? "ni"? "de"? a verb straight up?
 
Wow oolong! I'm not sure i even considered half of those (especially the writing since my laptop doesn't show asian fonts).

I bow to you!

Uuuh..i'm still not sure why you use arakute with jinsei...i always thought u use -kute between adjectives to connect them.
 
@ZERO

Nobody says 命を突き進む.
人生を突き進む　is OK.

Does your dictioinary say that 荒い　means　"wild" ?
In most cases 荒い　means "rough" or "violent".

荒っぽい　(arappoi) is rather close to "wild", but it is used for somebody's behavior and act.

The following metaphor is used sometimes.
人生の荒野 jinsei no kouya
(the wilderness of human life)




-中心の輝きを強めるんだ
There are no grammatical errors in this phrase, but many people will wonder "Chuusin of WHAT?"

Even if you add 自分の to it, it still sounds unnatural.
Nobody imagines "my heart" when they see the phrase 自分の中心.


-About 一生懸命　issyoukenmei

Though I don't know much about Japanese grammar,
The followings are correct.
一生懸命 + ni + verb
一生懸命 + verb

If you use "de" after 一生懸命, examples would be

彼はいつも一生懸命で、私は尊敬している。
(He is always diligent(earnest), so I respect him.)　

彼は一生懸命で、親切だ。
(He is diligent(earnest) and kind.)
 
i got down to 2 options for the pair, check it out:

荒くて人生を進むんだ
arakute jinsei wo susumunda
I'm going to live on wild!

中心の光を強めるんだ
chuushin no hikari wo tsuyomerunda
I'm going to strenghten the radiance in my core
----------
精一杯生きてるんだ
seiippai ikiterunda
I'm going to live with all my might

心の光を強めるんだ
kokoro no hikari wo tsuyomerunda
I'm going to strenghten the light in my heart

what you guys think?? just so you know, they'll be written vertically. :XD:
 
-荒くて人生を進むんだ

First, "arakute + verb" is garammatically wrong.
It should be "araku + verb".
Second, as I said before, arai does NOT mean "wild" in most cases.
arai often means "rough" , for example, "something's surface is rough"

-中心の光を強めるんだ
Chuusin just means "the center of something"
It does NOT mean "heart" nor "core"

-精一杯生きてるんだ
This means "I am living with all my might (now)"

-心の光を強めるんだ
This is good, but it sounds like a line from a fantasy or something.
 
荒い【あらい】
(adj-i) rough; rude; wild; (P)

this is what the dict. I use says about "arai". here's the definition of "chuushin":

中心【ちゅうしん】
(n,adj-no) center; centre; middle; heart; core; focus; pivot; emphasis; balance; (P)

that's why I insist on them. here's the link to the dict.:
http://linear.mv.com/cgi-bin/j-e/sjis/nocolor/dict

I see what you mean about the adj.+verb relation. it should be:
人生を荒くて進むんだ

精一杯生きてるんだ. although the dict. doesn't indicate seiippai as present tense only, "I am living with all my might now" is not bad at all, a tattoo is always with you, so it's valid.

what do you mean by "a line from a fantasy"? like some sort of videogame character decisive catch phrase?
 
I don't mean to complain about the dictionary, but I, who was born and raised in Japan, have never heard(seen) the phrase "荒い人生" .

Also, I've never heard(seen) anyone using 中心 as "someone's heart".

人生を荒くて進むんだ is not correct.
it should be 人生を荒く進むんだ
But I've never heard(seen) this phrase in Japan.

As for 心の光を強めるんだ,
I wanted to mean this is not used in our daily life...
But it's cool, I think.
 
I'm not going for something used in daily life after anyway, it's supposed to be impressive! so I'm settled for 心の光を強めるんだ.

could this be used??

荒ぶ【すさぶ】
(v5b,vi) to grow wild; to rage; to become rough

人生を荒び進むんだ
jinsei wo susabi susumunda
I'm going to rage through life.
 
荒ぶ is rarely used as a verb.
荒んだ　(susannda) is used as an adjective. like,
荒んだ生活をする　(lead a self-distructive life)
 
well.... rarely doesn't mean it can't be. would that be gramatically right? I'm kind of running out of options.... :ohoho:

how about:
...戦い進むんだ

or should it be:
...戦って進むんだ

??
 
Perhaps grammatically correct...
But "someone 荒ぶ" sounds like "someone gets desolated mentally"

As I said before, I recommend 人生の荒野
The example would be 人生の荒野を（突き）進むんだ



戦い進むんだ
戦って進むんだ

Both of them are correct.
I think the first sounds smarter.
 
cool! it's what seems better fit. :sparkleguy:

thank you so much oolong!! :dote:

now i gotta find fonts for this, maybe scan them myself.... :omgwtf:
 
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